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Posts tagged “My first slice

SOLCS 23 – A Slice Of My Life “Writing Again”.

You pick up your pencil and stare at the empty space … you sigh.
You are convinced that you are finally ready, you have considered it for a few minutes, and you even repeat a couple of phrases; “it sounds good” you say to yourself. Hesitantly, you ponder over your options for a few minutes…
If you are lucky you’ll grow tired soon, feeling incapable as always, you’ll set down the pencil and leave things as they are. Life will go on, and you’ll keep on carrying that heavy endless monologue inside your head, that won’t be remembered, nor repeated, nor read, by anyone ever again, not even yourself since you will soon forget it; if you are lucky.
However, if you find that inner strength you’ve been hoping for, If you’ve got it (even for just a second), there’s no turning back: you have surely written (without doing so) a tragic disappointment. You will hurt yourself one more time, as if instead of a pencil, in your hand you held a rusty dagger. Fooled with endorphins, adrenalin, and other treacherous things, your brain does not realize this at first, so, pencil in hand, you face the white page.
And then, almost magically the monologue disappears, it can barely be heard now like a long lost echo fading away into the distance. And your mind, before saturated with words, is now like the page in front of you: wordless.
“How is it possible? This cannot be happening again!” –you think. And it has happened so many times it starts to feel like déjà vu. You had been so sure you could do it this time, so how come you are still waiting for it to happen. This is getting ridiculous! You keep asking yourself why, and coming up with no answer. It’s been so long since you were able to write freely and effortlessly. “But I’ll be patient. I’ll fix myself someday. I will” – You promise.